After ten years of working at my company, employee's get a sabbatical of
one month of paid vacation. I had scheduled mine for that September, and
I had several projects in mind and a trip to Florida planned to show Eve
a shuttle launch. And with what Eve was going through, I had thought my
sabbatical would give me the opportunity to cheer her up. Most of the
house projects I had planned had to be scrapped. If Eve was sleeping, I
didn't want to wake her up pounding nails. And when she WAS awake, I was
spending all the time that I could with her.
It was at the beginning of September that Eve finally admitted that her
depression was returning in full force, and she agreed to see a
psychiatrist. THIS was a big step for Eve, for she was deathly afraid of
mental hospitals, and was FOREVER in fear of being placed in one. Before
going to this doctor, Eve was sure to thoroughly brief me in what I
should say, so that I could not POSSIBLY give the doctor the impression
that Eve was suicidal. For if the doctor thought Eve was suicidal, they
had the responsibility and authority to commit her. And THIS, Eve
threatened, would FORCE her to commit suicide.
Now Eve denied being suicidal through this time. She always did deny it,
and always promised me that she would never do it. I suspected that she
was suicidal anyway, of course, and so was desperate to get her on some
medication. Some might think that with this suspicion, I SHOULD have
committed her despite her promise to commit suicide in response. To that
belief I can only roll my eyes and shake my head. That was not an option
with Eve. Never was. You wouldn't understand unless you knew her.
There were new drugs out now, better drugs than the last time Eve was on
them. After discussing the options with the psychiatrist, they decided
the best possibility was with a drug called Effexor. A small dosage was
prescribed at first, with plans to increase it over the next coming
weeks. These types of drugs need to be built up slowly into your system
before they can be effective, without killing you first.
The vacation to Florida was cancelled. Hurricane Gordon hit Florida the
night of our plane trip, but this was just an excuse. I could see that
Eve was not excited about our trip, and the night before our vacation I
had an important heart-to-heart with her. I explained to her that I was
NOT taking this vacation for myself, I was taking it for HER. I wanted
HER to see a shuttle launch. I wanted HER to relax on the beach. I,
personally, didn't care much and could take it or leave it. Once I told
her this, she FINALLY admitted that she desperately did NOT want to go on
this vacation. She HATED Florida.
Besides, the shuttle launch was rescheduled, so we wouldn't have seen
And so we stayed home. We went out to eat often, as if we WERE on
vacation, and Eve enjoyed this. Eve was getting sick of all home made
food, and I couldn't find any replacement foods that she was liking.
While at home, she still could barely even read a book, and continued
daydreaming in her papasan while listening to music. Near the end of
September, she ordered me to not interrupt her while she was daydreaming.
Unless it was of critical importance, I was to stay away from her balcony
and smoking room. I didn't understand this, but she still insisted that
she was doing fine, and this would help.
During this time we often went to fabric stores, and I bought her well
over a thousand dollars worth of asian designs that she wanted to make a
quilt or kimono out of. But except for a small teddybear that she
half-completed, Eve did not have the willpower anymore to start anything.
We often went to the bookstore, and we bought many new books, but most