The surgery went cleanly, but Eve was sent into a spiralling depression
over some details. The surgeon did as good a job as he could in reducing
the surgery scars Eve would have. Three one-inch incisions were made,
and the entire operation was performed through those. But those
incisions were leaving very obvious scars on Eve's stomach, and this tore
at her constantly.
I, of course, reassured Eve constantly that the scars didn't matter to
me, but it wasn't for me that she wanted her body to be perfect. It was
for her art. Some of her greatest photography was done as nudes, and
semi-nudes. And for this, her skin had to be perfect. This entire
category of her artistic expression was being taken away from her. We
tried topical creams, directly applied Vitamin E, everything we could
think of, but only her belly-button scar seemed to heal well. The other
two scars remained very visible.
The other frustration that ate her up inside was that she had
specifically asked her surgeon, on several occasions, that she wanted the
remains of the cist as a keepsake. The cist, however, was not as solid
as the X-rays had indicated, and there really wasn't much that could be
salvaged. The doctor decided, off-hand, to just forget about it. A few
pictures were taken, including a VCR recording of some of the surgery,
but none of these show much at all. Eve was REALLY wanting SOMETHING,
though. She was using the hope for a keepsake as a way to see something,
anything, positive to be taken away from this operation. When she didn't
get it, she felt horribly betrayed. Once again a doctor had lied to her,
ignored her, and when she talked to him about her problems, the doctor
refused to be even the slightest bit sympathetic to her.
And I believe that this was a major cause of her suicidal depression.
Throughout all of this ordeal, she was forever at the mercy of people who
showed absolutely NO sympathy to her. They didn't care. So many things
that horrified Eve, that caused her such intense physical and emotional
pain and anguish, were thrown onto her without a second thought. And it
was contempt and disgust at her that was OFTEN returned when she
complained. Eve had many times said to me that she was not meant for this
world. What was supposed to work for everyone else, didn't work for her.
What didn't hurt for anyone else, caused horrible pain for her. What
mattered to her, didn't matter to anyone else. What was intrinsically
obvious to her, seemed completely beyond the grasp of everyone else. And
I couldn't argue with it, because I had ALWAYS felt the same way about
myself. We had found each other, and that was my entire world, and I was
content with that. But this wasn't enough for Eve, for living in this
world was constant torture.