I went back to work the following month, but leaving Eve alone all day
did not bother me as much as it might. Eve was now entering a seclusive
phase, and I wasn't seeing her much even when I WAS at home.
And many of her friends, now, may remember a call I made during this
time, telling them that Eve would be out of touch for the next few weeks.
Eve couldn't stand how often telemarketers kept calling. I began to
disconnect the phones during the day, only to reconnect during the night.
But Eve was growing desperate for complete peace, and begged me to help.
She had become hyper-sensitive to everything. She began sleeping in the
guest room every night at this point because she could not stand me
jostling the bed in my sleep. And she no longer could control her
outbursts at even the most minor annoyances.
So I created a retreat for her. I disconnected all the phones, and kept
them disconnected. We had just moved to a remote island in the pacific
to help Eve rest. Anyone who wanted to contact us could leave a message
for me at work. I asked my boss at work to get me a beeper for
emergencies. Eve had no responsibility or concerns. I provided the
food, and made sure she continued with her medication.
I believed that the medication would help, if given enough time. And I
was buying time. I knew that secluding Eve would be really bad if we
kept it up for a long time, but Eve was desperate. And if I could
satisfy Eve's desperation just for another few weeks with seclusion, then
it gave her medication that much longer to start working. And once it
started working, then Eve would come out of her shell by herself.
But Eve didn't think the Effexor would ever help. She had convinced
herself that she was not meant to be in this world. Every day was
torture for her, and she believed with all her heart that it would never
end. I could provide everything that she wanted and needed, but I could
not make her happy. The only one who can give you a happy life is
yourself. For Eve a happy life had always required great struggle, and
she no longer had the willpower to fight anymore.